Over the last few years, various abuse-related phrases have circulated on the internet, one of which is gaslighting.
The American Psychological Association defines gaslighting as the act of persuading someone to doubt themselves, forcing them to question their thoughts, experiences, and perceptions of a situation. The invisible nature of gaslighting can be disruptive in any relationship, personal or professional, and the victim's actions and mental state reflect its influence.
Now, gaslighting is distinct from manipulation. Manipulation, which can be beneficial to the manipulator, does not always aim to question the victim's reality. On the other hand, gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse, involves meeting someone's wants through manipulation, leading to psychological discomfort and uncertainty. The latter makes the person question their perception of reality, as well as their identity, thoughts, feelings, and, worse, value.
Sadly, gaslighting can be done not only towards other people but also unconsciously towards one’s self, especially if you have experienced being gaslighted firsthand. Without knowing, you then question everything about yourself and your decisions.
If you often question or doubt yourself, you may be experiencing what experts call self-gaslighting. Self-gaslighting, as Psychology Today puts it, is when we pick up the torch from the gaslighter and begin internalizing the abuse that one has experienced. Self-gaslighting could be seen in any form. This can manifest into self-blaming, self-shaming, or otherwise holding yourself responsible for painful or traumatic events experienced. Meanwhile, many victims often respond in self-gaslighting as trauma. Trauma is the physical or emotional response to distressing life events like sexual assault, a natural disaster, an accident, the loss of a loved one, or another negative experience.
4 Things to Note on Overcoming Self-Gaslighting
1. Practice Self-Compassion
Learning how to love yourself and practice self-compassion can help you decrease the habit of gaslighting yourself. Practicing self-compassion can be seen as you experienced a traumatic event and it is essential to stopping you from this behavior. It helps you overcome your past experiences.
2. Be Self-Aware
People who have been experiencing self-gaslighting are survivors that can feel empowered to stand for themselves. Self-awareness can be cultivated by learning to manage your emotions, thoughts, and behavior.
3. Practice Self-Affirmations
When you recognize a thought as self-defeating, write it down. Then, reframe the thought into a positive form to create an affirmation. Repeat that affirmation every time the thought crosses your mind. Eventually, you will be able to rewrite the negative script with a more positive one. While the statement below may sound alike, let’s practice self-reminders and mindfulness that there are the things we can and cannot control on our beyond.
This can start as simple as:
i. “I should have done more; maybe it really is my fault.”some text
Instead: “If this will happen next time, I know what should be done, I’ll be more aware.”
ii. “I am normally laughing; maybe that’s why she didn’t believe me that it hurt.”some text
Instead: “I’ll tell her that I am hurt by what she said earlier.”
iii. “I should have moved on from this by now!”some text
Instead: “I know things are not better for now and moving on isn’t a linear journey to easily accept things and I know there’s a day I can overcome that event.”
4. Build Your Self-Trust
People who engage in self-gaslighting find that it is difficult to validate their emotions. By reminding yourself of your truth, and taking time to validate it, can help decrease the negative effects that come from denying your reality through self-gaslighting. Acknowledge that, there’s no need to try to suppress the thoughts or make yourself forgetful of what happened. By building your trust, you can start to make self-confidence and while having that is to have stronger and bolder relationships within yourself.
Overcoming self-gaslighting could not be a linear journey to everyone. Integrating the tips from above is an acknowledgement that you are taking a long way to be free, vulnerable, and accepting of yourself. Surround yourself with people who will support you with this healing and recovering journey.
When to Seek Professional Help?
Meanwhile, self-gaslighting is not necessarily harmful and it is not a clinical diagnosis but rather a symptom of an underlying problem. It may be additional stress and frustration if it becomes a pattern that gets you to ignore your gut instinct and feelings. If you frequently engage in self-gaslighting statements or behaviors, it might be worth finding your own therapist to figure out why. If you’re ready to start your journey to better well-being, Empath’s team of mental health professionals is here to help. Book a mental health consultation at www.empath.ph
References
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