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Most, if not all, of us have experienced and intentionally chosen to ignore our anger or frustrations in order to maintain harmony around us—whether at work or at family gatherings. When this happens, we might express our anger at things or people that have nothing to do with why we're angry in the first place. We refer to this as displaced anger.
What is Displaced Anger?
All emotions are valid, even anger. Remember, anger is not a negative feeling.
The American Psychological Association defines anger as an “ emotion characterized by tension and hostility arising from frustration, real or imagined injury by another, or perceived injustice [sic].” It is a necessary and instinctual feeling that drives us to respond to potential dangers in our environment. It only becomes a problem when we experience anger toward ourselves and others, leading us to say or do potentially harmful things.
However, when we talk of displaced anger, we talk about expressing anger to others even if they are unrelated to the main reason of your feeling. For example, when you and a buddy had a disagreement, instead of expressing your displeasure with them, you lashed out at your mother when she asked, "Kumusta araw mo?" Another example is when you and your partner had a disagreement, and instead of talking to your partner, you became frustrated with your coworkers.
What causes displaced anger, and what impact does it have on us?
A. Causes
Our defense mechanism, displacement, transfers our emotional response or stress from one scenario to another, including displaced anger. We do it unconsciously to defend against perceived threats.
This could occur if the individual experienced abuse or trauma during childhood or if they have an underlying mental health issue, such as bipolar disorder. Here are some additional factors to bear in mind:
- Accumulated stress and frustration
- Fear of confrontation
- Triggers include emotional or past experiences
- Alcohol and drug consumption and abuse
- Abuse can take many forms, such as physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual, as well as witnessing abuse from another person.
- Difficult experiences such as negative childhood experiences, bullying, the loss of a family member or close friend, separation of parents, poverty
- You or your loved ones are recovering from illness or injury
B. Effects
Displacement can be a healthy coping mechanism but can have harmful consequences. Displaced anger can result in displaced aggression or hostility. This can then negatively impact your relationships, leading to tension, conflicts and resentment toward them; poor job or school performance; and negative behavioral changes.
If neglected, these issues can also complicate addressing the main reason for your anger and the treatment of underlying mental health conditions.
Managing and Coping with Displaced Anger
One of the helpful things that we can do to manage any big emotions is to recognize that we are having these feelings and behaviors. This can make us effectively manage displaced anger.
Here are some strategies you can practice to improve on this behavior:
1. Pause to process emotions. It's okay to take a moment to calm down and think about how you feel. This can help you stay grounded and keep you from hurting yourself or others while you're feeling this strong emotion. Taking your time to react helps to recognize how you feel and could make you reflect on better ways to deal with your overwhelming feeling.
2. Find emotional outlets. We tend to lash out toward ourselves or others when we feel angry, but one helpful thing we could do is find an outlet to release the tension or frustration that we feel. The main goal for this is to find an outlet that won’t harm you or others in the process. Some outlets you could practice are meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies.
3. Improve and practice communication skills. Remaining quiet during frustrating moments may be a good solution at first, but communicating what bothers you with the person involved is a better way to address the problem and help you confidently face the situation. You can practice this with your trusted person—a friend or a therapist—and once you feel confident, you can then proceed to talk with the person that triggers you.
4. Identify and remove the stressors that you can control. When we're tired or hungry, we may snap at others, adding to our stress. Taking control by managing unhealthy habits can be a good start in managing displaced anger.
5. Seek professional support. Talking to a mental health expert can help someone work through their emotions and find strategies to deal with their anger, especially if it stems from the past or is negatively impacting their life on a consistent basis.
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“Joy, you’ve made a lot of mistakes—a lot. And you’ll make a whole lot more in the future. But if you let that stop you, we might as well lie down and give up now.”
It can be hard for us and those around us to live with anger, especially if we react to it by lashing out at others. We may make mistakes in managing this issue, but let this not be an excuse to move forward and treat ourselves and others better.
Reference:
Mental Health
Understanding and Coping with Displaced Anger
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