“F.O. na tayo!” A Guide to Surviving Friendship Breakups

"Some say that time changes. Best friends can become strangers." 

— Say Anything, Good Charlotte

‍

F.O!—Friendship Over! is a phrase we used to say when we joked around our peers back then about ending things over silly things. But what if it turns out to be real? What is a "friendship breakup?"

‍

Easy-peasy! The dating service Bumble coined the term "friendship breakup" to characterize the gradual or abrupt ending of a platonic relationship or friendship. While most people associate the term "breakup" with the end of romantic relationships, keep in mind that this hurts just as much as romantic ones do, if not more. 

‍

Finding friends takes time, and having close friends takes even longer. Jeffrey Hall's research shows that it takes 50 hours to progress from acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to become a friend, and more than 200 hours to consider someone a close friend. Given the time we devote to connecting, it is obvious that when friendships end, it hurts.

‍

Friendships break or drift apart for a variety of reasons, and some people simply ghost you. A buddy could be relocating to another city or country, having children, changing employment, changing interests, had a misunderstanding with you, or lack of communication, to name a few. According to a Bumble survey that included respondents from the Philippines, 10% of Filipinos find it difficult to maintain contact with friends and family following the pandemic, and 1 in 5 believe it is normal to cut off friendships that no longer serve them.

‍

Whatever your friend's reason for ending their friendship, one thing is certain: it hurts. Here are some tips we have for you to navigate through your friendship ending:

‍

1. Feel your feelings: It is okay to grieve.

It's normal to feel hurt when rejected or excluded. Kindness to oneself will go a long way in dealing with friendship breakups. Remember that identifying and understanding why we feel the way we do, as well as reminding ourselves that our feelings are valid, can help us move forward. 

‍

It's also important to consider how your friendship shaped you and helped you through tough times. Remember the lessons you learned and the qualities you want in your friendships. 

‍

2. Practice self-care.

If you have activities with your best friends, it matters to create routines or discover new ones that will help you move forward after the breakup. If you used to go to the gym with them, try a different day or time to respect your feelings and take care of yourself. You can also mute them from your social networking apps to give yourself some space.

‍

Engaging in your hobbies, discovering new ones (e.g., journaling, cooking), and talking with trusted friends or a therapist may also help you process your feelings. 

3. Don’t stoop down to their level.

If your friendship ended on an unfortunate note, don't sink to their level. Taking revenge (e.g., posting online about what happened) on a friend who did you wrong or who you discovered is trash-talking behind your back may feel nice at first, but it will lead nowhere. Pay attention to your emotions, which may include anger or frustration, and then release them. 

‍

As upsetting as it is to remember, you and "the person who cannot be named" had a good time too, and acknowledging this may help you move forward.

‍

4. Reach out to talk it out or apologize.

The possibility exists, but you may have ended your friendship based on your actions or words. You might have shared your friend's secret with others or failed to fulfill a promise. It's sad, but it does happen.

‍

If you did anything wrong, apologize to your ex-friend and give them time to heal. If they accept your apology and want to repair your friendship, that's great! But if they reject it or decide they no longer want to be friends, it's best to accept it and move forward.

5. Accept that friendships end.

Friendships that end can be uncomfortable, especially when they have been an important part of our lives. However, it is necessary to acknowledge and appreciate the influence that these friendships have had on us. They have shaped our experiences, offered support, and helped us create memorable experiences. Accepting that it has ended is another form of self-care.

‍

"Friends come and go," as the expression goes. Regardless of how your friendship ended, it is crucial to realize that feeling sad, confused, disappointed, or furious is natural. Regardless of where you are in life right now, give yourself the opportunity to meet new people and allow them to get to know you.

‍

You, our dear reader, can still develop a caring support system, creating opportunities for love and companionship in the future.

‍

Reference:

• Hellman, R. (2018, March 28). How to make friends? Study reveals how many hours it takes. Retrieved from The University of Kansas: https://news.ku.edu/news/article/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend
• Parker, R. (2024, April 25). 6 Reasons Friendship Breakups Are So Hard. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mindful-dating/202311/6-reasons-friendship-breakups-are-so-hard
• Purnell, K. (2024, August 2). Dating app dissects 'friendship breakups,' how to move on. Retrieved from PhilStar Global: https://www.philstar.com/lifestyle/health-and-family/2024/08/02/2374753/dating-app-dissects-friendship-breakups-how-move-on
• Ryu, J. (2023, July 10). How to Grieve and Eventually Move On After a Friendship Breakup. Retrieved from Self: https://www.self.com/story/friendship-breakup-tips

‍