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“Kalalaki mong tao, bakit ka umiiyak? Bakit ka nagtatampo?”
We have grown accustomed to hearing these comments made to boys and men close to us by relatives or elders. Most depictions of Filipino males show them to be strong and tough. Macho at barako, ika-nga. Both large and small screens frequently portray these themes.
In our country, we are accustomed to putting men on a pedestal when it comes to their emotions and self-expression. We've grown accustomed to males refraining from sharing their personal experiences and sentiments, and when they do, it often comes as a surprise or a source of honor, as if it's an uncommon occurrence. Furthermore, our culture deeply embeds toxic masculinity—the norms, ideas, and cultures that define "manliness."
It is critical to address the underrepresentation of men in mental health discussions and media. Many mental health issues, including heightened aggression, anti-social behaviors, and early symptoms of schizophrenia, are more common in men, according to recent research. Even more disturbing is the fact that males make up the demographic with the nation's highest suicide rate.
As men shift into new roles in their lives—as students, athletes, career-driven men, bachelors, and fathers—they face a variety of concerns. In this article, we'll talk more about dads and their mental health.
Fathers have a significant impact on their children's growth and development regardless of their marital status, whether they are biological, adoptive, single, in a relationship, working, or staying at home. In the media, the behavior of someone with "daddy issues" is a running joke. All this demonstrates is that a father's involvement in his child's growth and development is crucial and deserves praise.
According to a recent study by Jay Errol Baral and Rosalito de Guzman of the University of Sto. Tomas, men who transition to fatherhood feel despair, but they are usually more subdued than newly transitioned women. Plus, dads don't get as much social support because they're less inclined to communicate about their struggles and vulnerabilities. They have also found that dads who have just gone through the shift have more worry, trouble sleeping, and a greater propensity to cope in unhealthy ways.
Moreover, research from around the world shows that 25% of dads suffer from postpartum depression. Feelings of loneliness, pressure to live up to expectations, guilt for not "being" a good dad, and generalized judgment accompany this mental health condition. Once they became fathers, they also noticed changes in their health habits, such as exercising.
These changes, together with our culture and expectations of what a man should be, make it difficult for males to communicate with each other about their shortcomings. Still, we need to fight and stand up against men's stereotypes, no matter how deep they go.
As we celebrate PRIDE and LGBTQIA+’s fight towards equality, may we also include the men in our lives in this fight. We may start by encouraging men to feel comfortable discussing their vulnerabilities and taking care of themselves, including their mental health. Here are some steps that we can take:
1. Normalize conversations about men’s well-being.
Asking men, "Kumusta ka?" is equally important. This does not mean that we ignore new mothers, but it does show that we are also considering new dads and how they are transitioning into a new chapter of their lives.More importantly, checking in on the men in your life creates normalcy in the conversation about their vulnerabilities and experiences.
2. Keep an eye out for signals that someone is hurting.
There are various signs that someone is having a difficult time in their life. This may be difficult because men prefer to isolate themselves when they are stressed or worried, but it is a good idea to educate oneself on warning signs and how you can assist your loved one if their condition worsens.
3. Remind them of what they can do to look after themselves.
Feeling good requires participating in enjoyable activities and making sure our body gets what it needs. Our moods improve after working out or exercising. Some other enjoyable activities we can suggest or try with them include cooking, dancing, fishing, and playing video games (moderately).Men can also benefit from taking a weekly break to spend time with friends or tropa, whether it's with family or just by themselves. We should also remind them that maintaining and growing social relationships is part of taking care of their mental health.
4. Express support, especially if they seek professional help.
Eraserheads’ sung it beautifully, “Huwag kang matakot, ‘di mo ba alam nandito lang ako sa iyong tabi.”Creating a safe space for the men in our lives is important too, especially for those who are having a hard time. Admitting that we need help is something that is difficult to admit to ourselves, regardless of one’s gender, but knowing that there are people supporting us in our mental health journey makes it easier and lighter.
One key aspect of one's mental health is creating a safe space for self-expression. Furthermore, emphasizing the importance of emotion regulation and self-expression to men, especially at a young age, can help them form a strong basis for their self-worth.
Our sensitivity and vulnerabilities do not make us weak; instead, they allow us to be fully engaged in our lives.
References:
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