Ang Tagasalo: Parentification among Filipino children

Filipinos are known for our deeply ingrained values of kapwa and pakikisama. Everywhere we go, we consistently receive praise for our ability to get along with others.

Other than these, we are family-oriented and have good relationships with our immediate family and relatives. Most of our celebrations involve our family, who are always there to support and cheer us on.

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However, it is a foreign concept for others.

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Certain family dynamics can be difficult to navigate. Situations where family members comment on children's weight, appearance, and every decision, or where adults rely on their children to help the family overcome hardships such as financial difficulty or parent separation, can cause some to struggle with relating to both their own family and those outside of it.

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Some people find it difficult and uncomfortable to be the sole provider for their families. We are familiar with the terms "breadwinner" and "tagasalo" and frequently associate them with our siblings who support the family, but it is a common expectation among the eldest—our ates and kuyas. This, in turn, raises concerns and is viewed as a negative aspect of our culture. 

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Dr. Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy coined the term "parentification" to describe the phenomenon where children assume the roles of a caregiver. Parents also rely on their children, expecting them to handle adult issues such as finances and household management, including disciplining their siblings. In summary, the roles and responsibilities of the child(ren) and parents are reversed.

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University students (Arcinas, M.M., et al.) studied this topic among Filipino young professionals during the pandemic and found that parentification is affected by many things, such as gender and gender expectations, sibling dynamics and rank, parental inability, and family culture. These reasons can lead to a person taking on a parental role in the family, whether voluntarily or not, to compensate for what their parents are unable to do and give. 

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Dr. Honey Carandang proposed that one's birth order or gender could influence the "tagasalo" concept. In her book Filipino Under Stress (1987), she explains that the term "tagasalo" originates from the root word "salo," signifying "to catch" and "one who catches," commonly referring to an individual who provides support or cares for others.

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Furthermore, Dr. Carandang states that in a Filipino household, a female member assumes the role of a "tagasalo" to attend to household concerns, including emotional care. The child's birth order also influences the "tagasalo," with the middle child typically fulfilling this role. She adds that middle children frequently feel unappreciated and seek attention from others; thus, they develop a sense of self that is based on satisfying their social and familial obligations, to the extent of being physically and mentally exhausted.

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However, research indicates that neither gender nor birth order determines it. Some studies indicate that in other households, a male sibling frequently fills the role of "tagasalo," and it can also be the youngest or the eldest in the family. Meanwhile, some Filipino households expect the eldest child to assume leadership roles. The expectation that they help out at home, care for their siblings, and guard the house while their parents work can still be seen in some family dynamics, and being a good example for their younger sibling might affect how they identify in the family. 

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Additionally, our "utang na loob" mentality can cause a child to feel indebted to their parents, which in turn motivates them to help at home by taking on more responsibility. This then may lead to role reversal, also known as "parentification."

What are the effects of Parentification?

Whether they do it out of necessity or to repay their parents, taking such a prominent role in the family may affect their well-being.

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Children and teenagers who experience this tend to mature earlier than their peers. As a result, individuals may develop independence and responsibility at a younger age. They also gain confidence in their independence and capacity to be reliable in relationships.

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The downside is that this may make them feel overwhelmed and contribute to having difficulty managing their feelings, like anger, frustration, and sadness. Also, as they get older and build healthy relationships, their experiences may make them anxious over abandonment, loss, and trust issues. This may then lead to mental health concerns such as anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger problems, and difficulty dealing with rejections.

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Finally, as they prioritize caring for the family, they struggle with their own personal lives too. Concerns with time management, lack of focus, and the inability to pursue own interests and goals may all contribute to the stress that these children and adolescents experience.

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It's fine for kids to help out around the house, but giving them adult duties might be too much. It's important to help kids become helpful, responsible, and independent adults, but it's also important for them to have fun as kids first. Empath is here to assist you and your family in navigating difficult situations and achieving improved mental health.

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