We can all agree that pursuing someone or being in a relationship boosts our self-esteem and motivates us to improve. Some would even go so far as to say that love makes us bloom and inspires us to be better. With all the different dating trends in our society, it's easy to become caught up in overthinking.
The rise of dating apps has made the Filipino dating environment more complicated. In the dating world, terms like "red flags," "friendzoned," "soft-launched," "situationships," "breadcrumbing," "ghosting," "simping," "paperclipped," and "beige flags" can be somewhat confusing.
Aside from this, mixed messages, miscommunication, and a lack of context lead us to fill in the blanks in order to satisfy our curiosity. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know where we stand in the relationship and how things are going right now. This is what makes us form impressions, make sense of events, and create scenarios in our heads.
With all of this going on, one may easily fall into the trap of overthinking in a relationship, whether it is still in the early stages of courting or dating or you've made it official, and this can be damaging to your relationships.
Valentine's Day may have long since passed, but we can still convey our emotions and intentions to our special someone or significant other every day. Here are some pointers to assist you in avoiding overthinking and instead developing a loving relationship with your significant other.
1. Acknowledge, challenge, and reframe your thoughts. When constant and negative thoughts arise, recognize and question them by asking yourself, "Where is this coming from?” Did you and your partner have a fight? Were you recalling something from your previous relationship and projecting it to your partner? Once you've figured out where your thoughts stemmed from, confront and modify them.
Let’s imagine that your S.O. suddenly had less time to chat with you, and this suddenly made you think, “Oops! Bakit? May nasabi ba ako?” Hit pause and ask yourself, “Saan nanggaling ito?”
Replacement thought: “Busy siguro sila sa work or term paper, kaya less time to send messages.”
Don’t forget to acknowledge the feeling that you have. And if it still bothers you, try strategy number 2.
2. Communicate: Swap ‘why’ with ‘how’ or ‘what’. We tend to read between the lines when we don’t know what is happening or if there is something wrong. To help you avoid further overthinking, go straight to your partner and have a conversation. This move will help you understand where your partner is coming from, as well as let your partner know about your concerns.
Try replacing “why” with “what” or "how," as the former can lead to defensiveness. Open-ended questions give your S.O. time to explain instead of making them feel worse.
Let’s try this with our example above: “Kumusta? What have you been up to recently?” Or, you can also use this questioning towards yourself: “How can I create a relaxing date night? How can I address this concern of mine?”
3. Embrace acceptance. This may be a hard pill to swallow, but with acceptance, we free ourselves from the burden of trying to control or know everything.
The reality is that we can never truly know and control everything. This also happens in our relationships. What happened to their previous relationship? Did they cheat? Why did they break up? How many have they dated before? Our previous relationships may lead us to over-analyze what happens in our current ones.
Acceptance helps us manage our current relationship more effectively.
Overthinking is something we all do from time to time, but if we fall into the habit of doing so on a regular basis, we are more likely to trust any thoughts that come to mind. These strategies aim to foster a healthy and loving relationship with your significant other, while also preserving the kilig you've been feeling!
If these thoughts continue to remain and have an impact on your relationships, Empath is here to help.
References:
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