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Life has its ups and downs, and with them comes having to deal with our feelings.
In one of our last pieces, we talked about how important it is to have emotional intelligence. This helps kids handle different situations in their lives, and it helps them communicate their thoughts and understand others.
It's crucial that we start to teach emotional intelligence at home. Our home is the first place where we begin to learn and practice what we've learned. We can observe what we've learned at home in our behavior outside of it, including how we handle ourselves and our emotions.
How we manage our emotions is called Emotion Regulation. The American Psychological Association defines it as an individual's ability to balance or modify an emotion or set of emotions. It also increases across one’s lifespan.
When we talk about emotion regulation, it is encouraged and observed that parents model it and guide their children to learn this skill. Parent Socialization of Emotions (PSE) refers to the process where parents guide their children's emotional development by communicating values, teaching them to understand and manage emotions, and modeling appropriate responses. However, the way adults manage their emotions can influence how they model this behavior for their children. Thus, parents must also understand the importance of emotional regulation in their own lives.
What if I or my kid(s) struggle regulating my emotions?
Emotional Dysregulation is a term we use when one has difficulty managing their emotions, which results in them responding poorly and is often marked with changing moods or mood swings.
At times, both parents and kids tend to react to overwhelming situations poorly, such as shouting or throwing things out of anger or frustration. However, there are instances when these emotions build up and we react strongly to seemingly small events; for example, if your child breaks a glass and you suddenly shout at them because you're having a difficult time at the office, or if your child hits a classmate because they've had enough of their teasing.
Kids who become accustomed to reacting quickly to overwhelming situations may struggle to relate to others and control their emotions. Remember, one’s emotions are valid, but how we act because of them shouldn’t be tolerated, especially if we’ve hurt someone.
Additionally, children who have ADHD or anxiety may find it challenging to manage their emotions and may need more assistance learning the skill.
Why is Emotion Regulation important?
When faced with difficult situations, we have a tendency to react based on our feelings, making them worse. Managing one's emotions is crucial, particularly in situations that are overwhelming or when we experience strong emotions like anger or sadness, as it helps us avoid overreacting.
Emotion regulation allows us to control our emotions (especially strong ones), manage our frustrations, and learn how to calm ourselves down. This, together with other life skills, could help adults and children in redirecting their behavior toward accomplishing their goals.
Moreover, this life skill is something that both the parents and children in one’s household benefit from:
1. Encourages emotional safety at home.
When parents introduce emotions and teach how to handle them, especially the big ones, it helps encourage and guide children to communicate and regulate their emotions at a young age. Moreover, it fosters a safe environment for kids to share it with family members, especially their parents.
Furthermore, while parents play a crucial role in their children's development, it's important to remember that they are also balancing different roles in life (ex., parents, sons, friends, and employees). Teaching their children how to manage their emotions can be challenging, especially when they are juggling multiple responsibilities such as work deadlines, household chores, and bills. Therefore, emotion regulation is crucial for them too, enabling them to confront various life challenges and effectively communicate their frustrations or needs.
2. Improvement in different aspects of one’s life
As we face different aspects of life, it is important that we know how to manage our expectations and reactions toward unexpected and unfortunate events. This is where emotion regulation helps us out—making us better at handling our emotions and communicating them with the people around us. This skill not only helps us form better interpersonal interactions, but it also helps us understand ourselves better, which leads to a better personal life.
More importantly, research shows that children who know how to regulate their emotions improve their academic lives, which includes academic performance and school relationships. As adults, this helps them focus their resources on attaining the goals that they’ve set for themselves.
People frequently joke that being emotional is something weak people do, but the opposite is true. Kathy B. Overman, LCSW, LLC, an American therapist, expresses it beautifully:
Learning to lean into (sit with) your feelings will transform your life.
It takes LOTS of practice.
Our natural inclination is to escape difficult feelings.
This escape pattern creates more suffering than the initial emotional discomfort.
Empath, it's a part of life to learn how to deal with discomfort, and it can lead to beautiful things. If you need support, we're here to sit with you.
References:
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