Understanding and Managing Adult Temper Tantrums

Most of the time, when we hear or read about temper tantrums, we think of babies and kids. But adults can also observe and experience this behavior.

According to the Oxford Learner's Dictionary, a tantrum is a quick, short episode of anger and bad behavior, typically in children. When a child has one of these episodes, they may whine, cry, hit, scream, or hurt themselves or someone else. Clinical psychologist Carla Manly, PhD, defines tantrums as physical and emotional manifestations of frustration, displeasure, and anger.

This is a normal part of growing up for kids. On the other hand, adult temper tantrums are sometimes called "crazy" or "chaotic." 

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When we become adults, we don't have temper tantrums like kids do, where they scream or throw things when they're mad. Meghan Watson, MA, RP, a Canadian psychologist, asserts that adult tantrums stem from difficulties in managing emotions, negative interactions with others, and difficulties in expressing one's feelings.

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Adult temper tantrums are a lot like child temper tantrums. According to Dr. Watson, intense feelings that are difficult to control, difficulties in expressing those feelings, and issues with other people cause both adult and child temper tantrums. However, there is a distinction: temper tantrums are "developmentally appropriate" for children because they are still learning how to manage and communicate their emotions, a skill that adults should already possess. According to Dr. Manly, adults may plan and execute their anger tantrums to achieve their desired outcomes.

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In rare cases, people who throw temper tantrums to communicate may exhibit symptoms of personality and mood problems such as bipolar disorder and depression.

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 Why do tantrums happen among adults?

Dr. Watson and Dr. Manly both explained that the inability of adults to regulate their emotions stems from their upbringing. Children who grew up in an environment that normalizes emotional outbursts and whose caregivers didn't model healthy emotion regulation may be more vulnerable to adult tantrums. Thus, when children fail to learn and practice healthy emotion management, it will reflect on how they regulate their emotions and communicate themselves during stressful situations as adults.

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A person's triggers can also lead to a temper tantrum. An emotional outburst can happen when someone is under a lot of stress at work, making a meal for a family meeting, dealing with a broken heart, doing difficult homework, or getting disappointing news after a medical checkup. As a result, many people felt and saw more irritation and anger during the pandemic, as restricted social interactions and isolation were stressful for most, says Dr. Manly. 

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How do we deal with adult temper tantrums?

You may have experienced an emotional outburst yourself or witnessed someone else do so. It can and does feel overwhelming, especially if you're on the receiving end. Here are some techniques to handle adult temper tantrums:

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1. Recognize your triggers. As previously stated, your triggers could make things hard, which could bring up strong feelings. Knowing what causes you to become overwhelmed can help you avoid future outbursts and better manage your emotions.

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2. Learn and practice emotional management. Stress can not only cause tantrums, but when combined with a lack of understanding or difficulty controlling strong emotions, it can become difficult and, worse, destructive to yourself and others. Giving yourself a break or space from the overwhelming circumstance may allow you to think rationally. Journaling, striking a punching bag, going for a run, painting, taking deep breaths, screaming into your pillow, or getting professional help are all effective ways to properly express your feelings. The more you bottle up your emotions, the more difficult it becomes.

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3. Pause and check your needs. We've all heard of the term "hangry," which is a wordplay on the words hungry and angry; someone being annoyed and angry while hungry is a good example of this. Knowing what you need right now, such as food, sleep, and the ability to express yourself, can also help you feel more emotionally regulated. 

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4. If things get too bad, you should call the authorities. Indeed, failing to address adult temper fits early on can lead to dangerous outcomes. When someone is having a meltdown, it's important to feel the room and not respond right away. Dr. Watson says that disagreements can still be fixed even when one person is feeling very emotional, as long as the other person stays calm. Not only that, but Dr. Manly also tells us that we should protect ourselves by removing ourselves from the situation and not rewarding unacceptable behavior by focusing on and reacting to it when it gets too much for us. Nevertheless, if it seems dangerous, it is better to call the authorities to intervene in the situation.

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a.) Aleng Pulis Emergency Hotlines: +63919 777 7377 (Smart) ; +63966 725 5961 (Globe) ;+632 723 0401 (Landline)

b.) Philippine National Police: 117 (Emergency Number) ; +632 8723 0401 loc. 6071 / 16677

c.) PNP Women and Children Protection Center: +638 723 0401 loc. 7491 ; +63961 829 8083 (Smart / Viber)

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Times are changing and might be difficult; therefore, it is necessary for us to feel, express, and release. Other than that, it can be helpful to not judge and be too harsh on ourselves, but instead to be kind and let our strong feelings flow. Empath is here to provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and journey with you towards improved mental health.

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References:

• Bunch, E., & Bunch, E. (2023, June 12). Adult Temper Tantrums Are a Thing—And the Pandemic Has Made Them Even More Prevalent. Well+Good. https://www.wellandgood.com/adult-temper-tantrums/
• COSP. (2023, January 24). Contact - COSP. COSP - Child Online Safeguarding Policy. https://cosp.ph/contact/
• tantrum noun - Definition, pictures, pronunciation and usage notes | Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary at OxfordLearnersDictionaries.com. (n.d.). https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/tantrum
• Temper Tantrums (for Parents). (n.d.). https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/tantrums.html#:~:text=Temper%20tantrums%20range%20from%20whining,normal%20part%20of%20child%20development.
• Wachter, A. (2023, November 20). The Benefits of a Responsible Adult Tantrum. Psychology Today. Retrieved September 18, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-relatable-therapist/202311/the-benefits-of-a-responsible-adult-tantrum